Till Julia – ett brev om självinsikt

Dear Julia,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’ve long been meaning to write. I’m sure you know how it is. I hope you are well and that you have reached all your goals in life. I have clear memories of the dreams you told me about. You really tried to tell me about them. I understand that now. They were both big and small, and some of them I believe I understood, and others perhaps not. It’s not easy for two people to understand each other, especially not when you’re young.

I have moved along quite like you remember me, I guess. Working on my projects, trying to make them work technically and financially. With time I have even learned to somewhat enjoy putting on a necktie for meetings with banks and lawyers. Even though I suppose one can see from a mile away that I’m not one of them.

That airplane I was always working on. I eventually finalized it. I really loved that project and that plane. There was only one problem. It didn’t fly. I built it too heavily. Too robust. I was afraid it would break in mid-air. Which it didn’t. On the other hand.

Later in life, I have thought about how that was typically me. Designing it so unnecessarily strong. Maybe at some point, I could have focused more on the chance than on the risk, so to speak.

My projects haven’t all been successful. In fact, none of them turned out as brilliantly as I projected. For some time it was a burden to me when I thought about it. But then one day I realized I’m privileged in the sense that just about every morning I’ve gotten out of bed with a sense of purpose and excitement. I really enjoyed my life and my work, perhaps to the point where they were a bit too closely intertwined. At least sometimes I wish I hadn’t lived so much with and through my projects. But I guess that’s just who I am. These projects were my dreams, and those dreams got me going and filled my life with meaning. Later though, I came to the conclusion that the dreams were only the spark whilst the playfulness of creating, figuring out all the details, and problem-solving was the everyday fuel. Working with my hands and my mind in a way that was sort of meditative and rewarding at the same time. But enough about me.

From the very bottom of my heart, I wish that you have had all the happiness in the world and that you have fulfilled as many of your dreams as humanly possible. That you and your loved ones have been good and well and privileged to age in health and harmony. I also hope that you, in this spinning universe, have found a place to call home. That’s something I have learned to cherish.

I just wanted to say hi, wish you all the best, and tell you that I’m well. I still feel inspired and curious, and even though perhaps both my hands and my mind are a bit slower nowadays, I keep working on my beloved projects. Who knows, perhaps one of them will really take off someday.

Yours truly, Andy